the time away.
*taking a majestic stroll on a stallion*
Balancing between capitalism and the pursuit for happiness has led many of us into anxiety, depression, and for some extremist with non-existing moral standards, illegal actions. When you get the chance to take a break from these two things I mentioned above, you will have an unexplainable peace you didn’t know you lacked. This short writeup is me making an attempt to explain what it feels like for me to come back home after being away for a long time. This is how I will take this it, explain habituation, put emotions into words, and conclude on moving forward actions. As always, I acknowledge that I am writing from a point of view of a privileged person.
Overtime, the brain starts accepting a not-so-great situation as a norm. This is like the proverb of the boiling frog. Where a frog is unaware of the slowly increasing tempture of the water its in until it too hot and too late. In this case though, there’s no “too hot and too late” since this insinuates death. What I am explaining here is normalisation in habituation. I have been away from home for a while and I have been in a place where my norm is thinking about work, a property to purchase, worry about immigration, balancing friendships, going to the gym, eating healthy, etc. I have accepted these situations as my norm and I have been blind to see how these situations have drawn me away from things I used to love genuinely.
Repeated exposure to the aforementioned situations have also reduced my emotional responsiveness to them, which made it hard to recognize they have been draining me. For example, pursuit for permanent residency started five (5) years ago when I first entered the United States. Since then, and thinking back now, all my decisions have been around it. I am unable to make future life plans, visit family, or eat the best homemade spicy fried cheese that I love. I have been in the steps involved in immigration for so long that I have become numb to the emotional roller coaster attached to it. Essentially, desensitization.
A large percentage of my friends are experiencing similar situations of emotional tug-of-war. Imagine my shock when I spoke to a few of them about these feelings and we all share the same sentiments. It also made me feel like I’m not alone, which is relatively okay. However, because others in the situation seem or appear to tolerate it all, I have been able to tolerate it too. It also tells me that we’re part of a bigger conversation, one that we can hopefully shift for the better.
It’s possible all of these is the case because I am growing and at each phase of growth, I have loved different things. Should I embrace my new reality at each phase of life I experience or hold on to the good-ol-days where my biggest worry was $0.20 ramen noodles? Moving forward, I will not wait for so long before I take a break from capitalism and constant pursuit for happiness. I will Live. Enjoy the moment. Remind myself what I used to love.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Writing from Ibadan, Nigeria.
